yclept
by Piriluk
Summary: A series of very dramatic and awe-inspiring thoughts assembled by Rin Kagamine, as she deals with obnoxious ex-friends, Kaito's attractive six pack, teenagerdom and one very annoying blonde delinquent. / incest!RinxLen, MikuxKaito, etc. / R&R
1. January 15

_yclept_  
>by the name of; called<p>

| a series of ramblings for the severe case of agraphia |

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><p><strong>Thursday, 15<strong>**th**** January, 2015**

Time: like, 3am. I should be sleeping. But I don't care.  
>Mood: somewhat productive. Thoughtful. Hmm.<br>Listening to: my parents snoring? It's gross.  
>Eating: the dreams of little children<br>Drinking: the blood of thy enemies (aka, Miku) (I'm joking) (except, not really)

TO DO LIST:  
><span>- Pack your bags… we'RE GOING SHOPPING. Jokes on you. You're being forced to stay with relatives on a farm. In the middle of nowhere. For like, two weeks.  
>- Text Kaito. About the thing. Because you can't do the thing now, as parents suck and want to ruin your summer.<br>- Cry profusely because you're beginning senior year in essentially less than three weeks, and you still haven't bought all your school supplies nor done anything productive because _you suck_.  
>- Sweat. A lot. 35 degrees every day? More like I cry myself to sleep every day.<br>- Remember to pack your laptop and phone chargers, for the love of God, Rin.  
>- Bring sunscreen. Lots and lots of sunscreen.<br>- Cry a little bit more. And clean the nail polish off your nails before school starts. Otherwise the Primaggedon will be after your head before you even breathe in the direction of school.  
>- Stop squeezing your pimples. It's gross. And boys won't date you if you have pizza skin. It's just not in.<br>- Plot ways to kill Miku. Many, many ways. (Repeat after me: Miku is a lying twat who ruined my life last year and I want to show that bitch I can sing soprano better than her in choir times ten because choir is the only thing in her life in which she's talented at. Well, besides backstabbing bitches and being an attention seeker.)  
>- Buy more earphones before you leave for unwanted trip with relatives so you can ignore everyone, because your earphones either a) stop working magically, b) get eaten by the cat, or c) just somehow get sucked up into a magical void and stop existing altogether, and you currently have no working earphones in possession.<br>- Maybe work out a little at the farm. Get some guns. Idk. Kill some bitches.

NOTES:  
><span>Why am I awake at this hour? But more so, why must I be forced to spend quality time with my 400 cousins whom are like, all 12 and obsessed with telling me I look like an albino boy alien? I don't want to be nice to these people. They make me sad.

Speaking of sadness, I have to go back to seeing Miku five days a week again very shortly. And have her obnoxious face tell me about her amazing holiday in Canada and her 45 boyfriends and how she's going to become a professional model slash pop star slash prostitute because she loves herself. I'll also have to be nice to her, even though she told like five hundred lies to Luka to turn her against me. Luckily, Luka has half more a brain than her, but that doesn't mean she won't try it again. (On the last day of school, though, I've pledged to throttle her.)

She even made a Facebook page. _For_ herself. (Called, _Miku Hatsune Fanpage_. It's real, go look it up.)

I _really _don't understand how people can stand her.

Speaking of things I don't understand, I don't understand how (why) I'm writing in this stupid book my aunt (normal aunt from Sydney, not crazy aunt from farm with ten thousand children) sent me for Christmas—I don't know, it's something you get from one of those hipster brands like Kikki.K or whatever. It's kind of cute. But also really cliché—like, why am I even writing in this? Just why? Keeping diaries is so uncool… and knowing Mum or Dad, they'd probably snoop around in my business and read my deep dark secrets. (If they _are_ reading this: I ate all that chocolate last week, by the way. It was my time of the month; I would have had to sacrifice Fluffy otherwise.)

But woe. I can't sleep. And lack of sleep equals to me doing strange things. Like writing diary entries that literally mean nothing.

Man, I'm so hungry.

QUOTES:  
><span>'Go to sleep, Rin, it's 5:30am and I can hear you typing from the bathroom.' – Dad, 2015.

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><p>well, well, well. we meet again.<p>

this? has no meaning. but. (ahem, butt.) it's something for fun just when I want to write something but am having trouble doing so. doing things in this kind of style and format is easier, because it's more personal and less technique-demanding. I'm a laze. do not speak 2 mi.

it may turn serious. I have two plots in mind: _should it be messed up and involve incest?_ or _should it just be wow very drama much cry?_ hmm. _hmm._ questions. but for now. enjoy this poor excuse for a chapter. (it's more so a prologue really tho) I will make them loNGER WHEN I MAKE UP MY MIND.

plllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllease. review. it's rly nice. and it only takes 2 SECONDS.

**EDIT:** I spelt Hatsune wrong and nobody is going to see that.


	2. January 27

**Tuesday, 27****th**** January, 2015**

Time: 11:29pm  
>Mood: dread for my future. Bury me. Please.<br>Listening to: _the awful sound of crickets looking for sex  
><em>Eating: ? ?  
>Drinking: my sweat. It's so hot. It should be illegal to be this hot. Can I just live somewhere dark and cold? Like my soul? It would be a blessing. Thank you.<p>

TO DO LIST:  
><span>· Go school supplies shopping.  
>· Cry profusely<br>· Feel regret for not spending holidays in a more productive way  
>· Feel excited because yOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR LAST YEAR OF FUCKSCHOOL. SUCK SHITHEADS WHO HAVE 5 YEARS LEFT STILL. HAHA. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT STRESS IS UNTIL YOU'VE STAYED UP UNTIL 5AM FINISHING BIOLOGY ASSIGNMENTS. <em>You really don't.<em>

NOTES:  
><span>Oh my God, family is awful. It was like an entire week and a half of death. I'm never having children. Ever. Children are Satan. Family is Satan. Miku is Satan. _Everyone is Satan_. I can't even. I just don't. Like, no.

Okay, I haven't touched this thing in over a week so let me reiterate a bit of my terrible non-holiday with my 12 cousins and 87 year old grandmother who supports misogynist prime ministers and not gay marriage (so I never, ever forget why I'm not inviting anyone to my wedding):

Well, nearly all of my cousins are like, foetus-age. And if they're not, they have something severely wrong with them. In result, it's almost impossible to have a regular conversation with them; or for them to even understand my fantastic, sarcastic humour—so my trip to the deathly outback of fiery hell? _No_. It was boring, antagonising and filled with snotty tissues and baths filled with puke. I'm never going back there. I'm just—so done. Nope. My dad's side of the family is dead to me.

What's worse is Mum and Dad would like, chuck the shits whenever they'd see me on my phone or laptop or whatever. Have they tried having conversations with my 14 year old cousin? His top priority is like, hacking Club Penguin accounts. All he ever talks about is David Attenborough and the kinds of lizards you can find in their over-sized backyard.

SMH. When will I ever get cool relatives? Why can't I be related to JLaw so I can just ring her up and be like, "Hey cuz, my family is like, so 1760s, it hurts my modern soul. Rescue me and take me to the USA so I can be hipster."

But alas, I am stuck with relatives who have probably inbreeded a little too much. I guess there's not much selection out in ye ole country town with a population of 107, but… seriously?

_Anyway_, on other news, when I arrived back yesterday the first thing I saw on my Facebook feed was _Miku Hatsune Fanpage_. Why? Well:

**Miku Hatsune Fanpage:** hi guyz, It's Miku here! I rly want 2 reach 4k by the ned of Janury, so can we pls do s4s? :3 ok, thank u my lovely songbirds! Xoxox

Why, oh why does this human being have a Facebook account? I don't even know why I still have the page on my feed. (Then again, if I un-liked it, Miku would slit my throat.) I don't know what's worse –  
>a) The fact that she can't even spell January<br>b) The fact that her fans are okay with her atrocious English skills  
>c) The fact that she only has about 2.5k (somehow) and she's asking to gain 1500 more people in the period of like, five days. She's crazy.<p>

And in the comments were the seediest things, i.e.

_Hey bby I'll giv u share pls share my page: Big Titty Anime Girls  
><em>_are u a boy or girl  
><em>_how old r u? u look 12! So hawt!  
><em>_can I have ur number?  
><em>_Wow, you so pretty! Pls add me. I want to be friend with you.  
><em>Etc.

I just gagged. Then I closed Facebook, because that was enough for me to see to know what happened while I was away.

After that, I texted Kaito asking him if he'd be cool with going out on Wednesday. His reply? _Sry, Miku, Luka, Gakupo and I are going on a double date to the zoo. Maybe on the weekend. _

I see it, now. Of course. Once I'm no longer evident, Miku goes in for the kill. She's _always_ doing this. If a guy so much looks at me for a second, she's flirting with him five minutes later. She's so deeply pathetic, my heart just crimples and I want to drive a blade into her brain with an IQ of 2.

Man, Kaito and I were really hitting it off. I actually thought he liked me. But alas, every guy goes for the female with a brain the size of a peanut and boobs the size of my life regrets. I had so much hope in Kaito being more than the average teenage boy.

Actually, while on the topic of teenage boys, Mum mentioned something to me this morning that I probably should have listened to but I was really too busy jamming to my beautiful playlist and enjoying the sweet sensation of juice in my mouth. It was something about relatives, again. From memory, I recall:

_"…that cousin of yours who is the son of my second eldest sister is … blah, blah, blah, got expelled at the only two high schools where he lived, blah, blah… he's that boy in the photo on the cabinet, I really thought he was a nice guy but apparently he tried setting the school on fire… mumble, mumble… boy I'm not sure how he got accepted into your school but when he comes be nice to him and—Rin? Rin, are you even listening to me? (angry sigh)."_

Hmm. Very worrying indeed. I'm actually quite nervous, because who is this cousin we're discussing? And why is he coming to my school? I don't want family attending my school. That's gross. What happens if he tries associating with me? God, God, God. I hate people.

(Not all people, but most, considerably.)

_Well… _I should probably sleep. Once again.

QUOTES:  
><span>'I jus put my phone in teh washing machine… lol, now my parents wll hav 2 buy me a new 1!' – Miku, 2015

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><p><strong>idk but I'm off to bed so goodnight. I have two days of classes left. (sobbing) I'm not ready for year 12 guys.<strong>

**EDIT: forgot to say that yes this is travelling down the incest road. down forbidden lane. ohohoho. _ohoohoohooohohooo_. yeah so pretty much the people who reviewed the first chapter _properly_ (because the other asshole spams the exact same shit on everyone fanfics and I want to cook them in a vat of lava because of this) expressed their interest for an incest fanfic so. also my friend was like, "do the incest... do." SO**

**I may handle it shittily. nonetheless, one day when I find motivation I shall make a fanfic centred around le incest. and it will be serious and angsty and terrible. **

**PLEASE REVIEW THANK YE.**


	3. January 29

**Thursday, 29****th**** January, 2015**

Time: 8:34pm  
>Mood: <em>whyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYY<br>_Listening to: _whyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYY  
><em>Eating: WHYWHYWHWYWHWYWHYWHWYUWHYWY  
>Drinking: <em>why<em>

TO DO LIST:  
><span>· Your shit-ton of homework  
>· Cry<br>· Cry  
>· Cry more<br>· Spread salt everywhere  
>· Buy a lock. Or steal one from Dad's office. Or something.<p>

NOTES:  
><span>Why, you may ask, why are you so down, dearest Rin? Why is that crestfallen expression upon your innocent face? Why doth a cheer slide down thy cheek and soak thy paper?

I am bidding farewell to my pants. The pants I wear. As the only teenager in this house. I bid farewell to them, as tomorrow, there will be a terrible person who will steal those pants soon residing in this very house and poking their terrible business into my business and possibly ruining my life. (Also, bidding farewell to my freedom as school has already proven to be hectic as hell's asshole in the period of _TWO DAYS_.)

DID WE WANT RIN KAGAMINE TO SURVIVE THIS LAST YEAR? NO. _NOOOOOO._ WE DIDN'T. WE WANT HER TO THROW HERSELF OFF MT VESUVIUS, WHERE SHE SHALL FALL TO HER DEATH ALL ALONE. WHICH IS WHAT SHE TRULY DESERVES TO BE. _LONELY_.

Who is this terrible person who is stealing my pants, by the way? Why have I failed to mention them before? Well. Whale. Well, let me tell you a thing. My mother mentioned this to me on Tuesday, but as afore mentioned in the previous entry, I was too busy being a sass queen when she was telling me about it, thus totally not knowing what was going to happen—until _today_, when she re-mentioned it (thinking I knew this already) over dinner, and… whale, it was a very intense argument over my reputation being in jeopardy.

Why? _Why_ is it in jeopardy? Let me tell you why:

I have this cousin. His name is Len. Once upon a time, he was an okay cousin. Like, even though in the very few times we met he would try to trash my beautiful My Little Pony display with his Hot Wheels cars, he was _okay_. Ish. Like an annoying little brother that you couldn't help but still like anyway because you hadn't experienced enough of their annoyingness to get sick of it yet. Anyway, my aunt and uncle like pissed off to another city when he and I were about 8-ish, so we never saw each other for a really long time. Then, a few years later my uncle passed away from cancer, and so we (my family and I) had to go to his funeral. Right? Right.

Okay, in the period of what, 5 years? Maybe? This kid who used to look totally adorable and acted (mostly) like butter would melt in his mouth became _satanic_. Like, a million demons had possessed him. I mean, yeah, his dad just _died_, but really? _Really?_ It doesn't give the asshole an excuse to lift up my skirt in front of my relatives. That's just—_rude_. I was 13. Strange things were happening to my body that I preferred my Great Uncle George to _not_ experience—_no one_ to experience. Ever.

I mean, not only did he expose my bright mustard yellow I'm-on-my-period underwear in front of my entire extended family; he spat in my Fanta, ate my fondant while I was crying from embarrassment to my mother after he up-skirted me, stole my favourite pen _and_ afterwards, added me on Facebook just to send me creepy photos of my butt he'd sneakily taken at the funeral.

Does that not scream criminal? I don't know about you, but I think it screams criminal.

At first I tried to laugh off all the things he'd done to me. But once he started sending pictures of my butt with meme reaction images photo-shopped into the corners—_that_ crossed the line. So I did anything an intellectual, 14-year-old me would do: I got his profile picture, went into Microsoft Paint, and put an erect penis I found on Google onto his forehead. Then I sent it to him and deleted him off my Facebook.

VICTORY!

Well, it was pretty victorious until Mum found in the internet history that I'd searched up pictures of penises on Google, thinking I was doing it for my own sexual pleasures (but ahem, I know better than that now not to leave my curious internet ventures in the history). She grounded me, so then I explained to her I was trying to defend myself against Len and while she did seem to sort of find it funny she grounded me for even longer and made me send an apology message to him through my mum's Facebook (not after letting his mum know what he was doing, and in return I got an apology written back that was incredibly un-apologetic and fake sounding).

So my history with Len is nearly as bad as Germany's history in WWI and WWII (it's okay, Germany, we all make mistakes). And hearing about him getting expelled from every school in his city and in result having to come to mine is like hearing that Germany has invaded Poland. Except, instead, this butt-obsessed turd is invading my life by appearing at my school and LIVING UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS ME.

That's right—I said it. He's _living with us_. My mother, while I do love her very much, is insane. Does she not understand how much pain he caused me? Next minute, I'll wake up with him trying to shove tampons up my ass (and let me tell you, I'll return the favour with a cactus, because I am Rin Kagamine and I _get my revenge_). I understand she's just trying to offer support to my aunt because she's as much as an emotional wreck as I am about this situation because of everything that's happening, but…

…I'm hiding a knife under my pillow.

(Okay, well, not a knife—a nailfile. _ANY KIND OF PROTECTION IS PROTECTION, ALRIGHT. IT MIGHT NOT BE 100% TRUSTWORTHY. BUT IF I GET HIM IN THE BELLY-BUTTON OR THE DING DONG IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE HE BREAKS THE LOCK INTO MY ROOM FOR GOD-KNOWS-WHAT REASON, I WILL HAVE SOMEWHAT AN ADVANTAGE, OKAY._)

So now everyone will know I'm related to this boy who tried setting his past school on fire and this will possibly ruin my senior year even more than it has already been ruined. Don't ask me how he even got accepted into my school, but you know what schools are like. "Oh yes, we'll give your child a chance… let them see the light… as long as you give us your money…"

Heaven knows what Miku will do when she finds out about Len being my (shudder) cousin. She'll probably make a Facebook page for it. Maybe try to get my butt photos off Len by seducing him so she can black mail me in the future.

Further onto the topic, Len's presence in the house also automatically will promote him to the position of the Top Son and demote me to Trash Can Princess. My parents always wanted a son, for some utterly strange and sexist reason, and will probably bless him with the privileges of being the favourite child and take away my privileges of being the only child. I know, that sounds spoilt, but just because Len's missing a dad doesn't mean we CAN IGNORE THE FACT THAT HE IS A PSYCHOTIC SHITHEAD.

Perhaps I'm overreacting. Maybe a little. Just a little. It is still a serious matter.

Now I must do my mathematics homework in between my angry tears, otherwise I will not only be angry, but very, very sad because I'll already have a lunchtime detention on my first week back.

I shall report tomorrow on what happens when the Antichrist arrives. I shall also note that Len will now be known as the Antichrist throughout this book of dark secrets so if he does happen to take my book and flick it open to a random page, he won't know I'm writing about him (unless he reads this entry. Then I will have to dig my own grave and duct-tape my clothes to my body so he can't try to lift my skirt again in revenge).

QUOTES:  
><span>"Len Kagamine has sent you a friend request on Facebook. Confirm / Ignore." – Facebook, 2015

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><p>was that a bit much? hmm. is Len represented terribly enough for you guys now? does it strike fear in your hearts? (don't worry, as much as Rin mentions it, I'm not going to write a rape scene. that's... you know. not. yeah. just no. and Len is not supposed to be a rapist anyway.)<p>

yessss I updated something. I want to update castrum in vitrum but wth I... forgot the plot I was... going with? um. or was there a plot even anyway? (scratches head) yeah idk. everyone has probably forgotten about it anyway so yUP.

Caligo is definitely under way it's just a difficult chapter to write without it sounding rushed and shitty (because if I tried to make it un-rushed, it would be unnecessarily long and boring and there would be a lot of stuff that hasn't got to do with the plot; therefore, a waste of time?)

I was writing Timeless's next chapter but... 5,000 odd words later, I realise I don't like it that much and the direction I'm taking and how I've introduced everything (it's very messy). so I'm going to rewrite it, since I'm just that frustrating.

monday is just not my day is... somewhere. I'll think about it once I update everything else I want to write about first... it's just not as much as a priority? it got a lot of reviews but forgive me I'm a douche and will not update it for a while /cries a lot

oh yeah! and happy new years everyone! I'm turning 17! andandand I'm graduating this year! FML! I don't feel that responsible at all! I can't even drive a car! help me! exclamation mark!

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><p><strong>please leave a review telling me what you think! or go review my other stories (such as Timeless or Caligo) because the support is nice and very much enthusing and might just make me update that little bit faster. ty<strong>


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